Hey everyone! You are probably asking yourself, "What kind of shit is going on?", right? Well, since I'm sure this will never happen in the series, I decided to take the time to marry this couple that love each other so much here in the wiki!
What? You are just copying my wedding.
Shut up and enjoy the wedding asshole! You have no right to say anything after being inactive all month.
Tsch. Just forget him and begin the wedding.
*clears throat* Dearly beloved, we are gathered here in the presence of nature, and before these friends, family, and these guys to-
Lucy-neesan... Lucy-neesan... Lucy-neesan...
Who the fuck are you? Get the hell out of here!
Sigh... what a mistranslation. This "Lucy-neesan" in reality is pronounced as ルーシィーねえさん with the hiragana and katakana characters having blah blah blah
Shut the hell up Chaos. Let's continue. We are united here to join together this man and this snake turned into a woman in sacred Matrimony, which is an honorable and beautiful estate, and therefore is not to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly, but instead with love, respect, friendship, and honor. Into this estate these two persons present come now to be joined. Cobra, Kinana, please step forward. Bring in the rings!
Do you, Cobra, take Kinana to be your lawfully wedded wife, promising to love and cherish, through joy and sorrow, sickness and health, and whatever challenges you may face, for as long as you both shall live?
Do you Kinana, take Cobra, to be your partner in life and sharing your path; equal in love, a mirror for your true self, promising to honor and cherish, through good times and bad, until death do you part?
Is that supposed to be happening?
I don't think so... but this is my first time marrying anyone so maybe it is. Whatever, let's continue! Do you, Cobra, take Kinana to be your wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do you part?
Do you, Kinana, choose Cobra to be your partner in life, to support and respect him in his successes and as well his failures, to care for him in sickness and in health, to nurture him, and to grow with him throughout the seasons of your life together?
I object! These two cannot be married because Cobra is gay!
Cobra sweetie! My love! What are you doing?!
Gay homo fags... Besides, Aldarinor, I thought you were in a triangle relationship with Laxus and Freed?
Now its a foursome!
I also object! I'm from the department of Domestic Violence, and I cannot allow Mr. Cobra to marry Mrs. Kinana because of how he treats her. Here is some evidence of such treatment.
As you can see, ladies and gentlemen, Cobra steps on Mrs. Kinana as if she were a toy, so these two cannot be married. Please thank Mr. Aldarinor for sending us the evidence
Why the fuck did you do that?
Because I love Cobra! I could not allow him to marry her! Plus, he looks super hot in that pic. :)
sigh... so many interruptions... *clears throat* ANYONE WHO STAYS HERE WILL BE RAPED BY HUNGRY!!!
*runs away faster than Racer*
Anyway, Cobra and Kinana, I declare you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride.
Cobra & Kinana
News of Cardinal Lapointe's affiliation with the Reborn Oración Seis reaches the Magic Council, but the Chairman states that they should not do anything. In addition, Ichiya and members of Fairy Tail make way to the Zentopia Church. During this time, several battles begin and conclude between Fairy Tail, Zentopia Church and even the Reborn Oración Seis.
Mirajane Strauss vs. Racer has been the best animated fight in a LONG while. I just simply loved the an inimation and have watched it over and over again. Mirajane defeated Racer by using his emtions... just like Erigor was defeated... hmmm... Other than the fight, the only other good part was the few seconds of Gildarts using Crushing Evil, Spreading the Truth: Empyrean. Epic animation again.
After Cardinal Lapointe is defeated, he reveals that the only way to stop the Infinity Clock is to kill Lucy Heartfilia, shortly before disappearing. Legion is convinced that the only way to protect Zentopia and the world is to kill the Celestial Spirit Mage, but Happy figures out that the Infinity Clock will stop once and for all if the Reborn Oración Seis are defeated. Thus, the Fairy Tail Mages scatter and begin a fierce fight againist the Oración Seis members, as well as the Legion fighters that get in their way.
Really boring episode, yes, even Gajeel vs. Midnight was boring. When I saw that Wendy was going to heal the brain of the Archibishop, I was like "Fuck no". It pisses me off so much that the animators make Wendy able to heal anything. The fuck? I'm sorry guys but it gets really shitty the way the animators handle Wendy, making her much stronger than she really is. *cough*her fight against Loke and Gray*cough*the sandstorm*cough*the shit against Erigor*cough*now healing minds*cough*.sigh sorry Wendy but its true.
As Lucy is slowly being sucked within the Infinity Clock, Imitatia faces off against Natsu, Elfman and Coco. In addition, every other member of Fairy Tail starts working to stop the Infinity Clock from bringing forth chaos and to find the runaway Kinana. Erza and Cobra continue their match, whilst Gray and Dan Straight face off against Angel, whose self-titled Magic proves to be more dangerous for her than it is for her opponents.
Gray defeats Angel by saving her from herself. -______- its getting really old. Will all Reborn Oracion Seis members, the ones that were formerly one of the 3 strongest guilds, lose to their feelings? Yes, they will. The animators disappoint so much.
While Erza concludes her battle with Cobra, Lucy is slowly becoming part of the Infinity Clock. The process has already begun and hope is lost, until the Archbishop, who regains consciousness, comes up with a way to slow down the process: destroying the chains linking to Earth Land. Legion and Fairy Tail cooperate in order to stop Midnight and destroy the Clock's chains. Elsewhere, Imitatia finds out she has been tricked by Midnight, Lucy hears the cries of her friends, and the truth behind Imitatia is soon revealed.
I really didn't see Imitatia being Lucy's doll coming. I actually liked that. After a load of crap the animators give us, every once in a while they sends us nice moments like these when Imitatia starts fighting to save Lucy, only to be turned back into a doll. So emotional *cries*. I also love Cobra X Kinana! I hated that another ROS lost because of feelings again though. I'm already preparing for the disappointment of Natsu's fight against Midnight.
PS: Fuck Romeo. An even more annoying little Natsu.
Summer, sadly enough, ended. No more suffocating heat, not more flies. Autumn is coming. Young ones returned to school, and grapes are pulled down from trellises, gathered in basins sitting on a bed of colorful leaves. And, as always, Fairy Tail is published without interruptions: here to review this past month's chapters is your writer, Aldarinor, and this is September's This Month in the Manga.
So guys, after a month of August which was a DISAPPOINTMENT to say the least as far as our more or less beloved series goes, Mashima seems to have sort of regained his senses as Autumn started, and we were given some pretty enjoyable chapters. Let's review them, shall we? Signature tune!
“Various Anime Music (for the video I used to post no longer exists) Off”
I - Chapter 297: The Face of the Girl I Saw
... or rather, seeing as the first thing we get to see on the Cover is Erza's backside hugged by a thong, it should be "The ass of the girl I saw back then". Not that it's anything bad.
So, the first few pages of the chapter revolve around the ominous and Plot Armor-filled defeat of Sting and Rogue at Natsu's hands in the past month's last chapter, so I won't indulge in them, seeing as, during August, we might have bared our asses before Mashima like Erza did... not to show our buttocks off, though, but to contribute to the tower of shit which our beloved author had come up with. Anyhow...
Everyone's thrilled, and most Guild Masters now start seeing Fairy Tail as the target to best in the upcoming fifth day's challenge, a survival match which the members of each team will compete in. Some "destined battles" (to use a Soulcalibur-ish term) are pretty obvious (e.g. Lyon vs Gray, Kagura vs Erza), but others are pretty unexpected: Ren wanting to fight Gajeel (and that's because...?), Ichiya wanting to fight Natsu (at this point, I wonder whose unreasonable Plot Armor power would prevail) and, hear, JURA wanting to fight LAXUS! Oh man, such a battle would bring forth the end of the world. Though I wonder... If Laxus eventually gets to fight Jura, what will be of his long-awaited confrontation with Orga? Guess time will tell... and hope Mashima doesn't screw everything up like he's used to.
Speaking 'bout Orga and his "partners in crime", the Twin Dragons' defeat and the subsequent loss of the first position (even if for a single point) doesn't seem to have disturbed Sabertooth's team too much: Orga and Mineva spit some creepy lines, while Rufus claims to have "memorized" the battle in a way which isn't less creepy. Mhm, what could he mean? He'll likely just use some Dragon Slayer Magic during the incoming fight. Or prove immune to it due to having observed it. Or summon forth his memories of the four combatants to assault foes. Or maybe Mashima will forget ever having Rufus say that line and act accordingly... That wouldn't be the first time "Cough" Specialized anti-Fairy Tail Guild "Cough". Those are my bets for now.
On the other hand, good ol' Jiemma (more old than good, to tell it all) isn't this relaxed. Sabertooth's Master pulls out a rather enraged expression, and the seats surrounding him in a radius of several meters are soon left empty as people run away in fear, scared by his Magic Power/facial prowess/pupils which mysteriously appeared out of nowhere/flatulences/breath stinking of alcohol.
In the battlefield, Natsu happily smiles to those he's just beaten up like crazy, those who made fun of his guild in any possible way and tenderized Lucy's boobs as if they were cooking meat, inviting them to fight again sometimes. Rogue wonders whether Gajeel (<sarcasm>Rogue thinking about GAJEEL? That's something new</sarcasm>) is strong as Natsu right as the Iron Dragon Slayer, searching for diamonds in the galleries he was sent to by Natsu, stumbles upon a series of draconic skeletons covered in moss... something which prompts him to describe the place as a "dragon graveyard". Ton ton toooon.
Damn, guess at least Gajeel's absence in the last fight has a reason now. And maybe the intervention of enthusiastic paleontologists will grant the undergound area some prestige and attention.
Though the above mentioned battle was still a tasty cake of shit adorned by Plot Armor icing, that is.
Elsewhere, Jellal is chasing after the... usual, boring source of dark energy. Stunning news.
Meanwhile, Yukino is revealed to be a "Sergeant" (remember, news from sold old chapters... Maybe I went "Ton ton tooon" even back then) only due to her participation in the Eclipse plan (more old stuff), through which the "good, clumsy Arcadios, Dio for friends" (DIO Brando? Ronnie James DIO? Just Dio? Just DIO?) will save the world. Wonder whether the gal has ever seen her new idol grin in a devilish way. Oh well.
Elsewhere, Carla has her stupid prediction about Mercurius collapsing again, and Fairy Tail chitchats a bit, noting that Gajeel is absent...
You know, rescue teams tend to be sent after someone who went speeding down some old rails aboard an old minecart inside an old cave. Nah, that's way too stupid. Let's just not give a single fuck!
To puzzle us, however, comes Levy's infamous "letter from the future", which deescribes the yet-to-come 7th July as the day Fairy Tail "lost to fate". The gal goes on to say that everyone died (who she'll be referring to? This almost sounds like Desu...), and she's shown writing in a destroyed, smoking town, crying visibly as she does so, and sporting a scar on her forehead. I must say that the whole thing is getting more interesting... as long as Mashima doesn't come up with shit as usual "Cough" Fairy Sphere "Cough".
Meanwhile, Jellal seems to have finally found that cloaked individual who was watching the lousy battle from last month's chapters, seemingly the source of the dark energy. The former member of the Magic Council reveals his face, asking the stranger to do the same as he realizes she is a woman due to her wearing sandals (WTF? Is Natsu supposed to be a woman or what?). The mysterious gal slowly turns to show the blue-haired man her cloaked face... and Jellal pulls out a shocked expression.
How will this chapter meet its end? What is up next?
A black page reading "To be continued".
Really, what a surprise. I thought Fairy Tail would abruptly end this chapter for no seeming reason. It's heartening to have an entire page telling me it won't.
What the fuck?
Guess Mashima was done writing the chapter with just 19 pages and didn't know what to put on the 20th... Sheesh.
Anyhow, nice pictures for a chapter which was definitely better than the three turds preceeding it. We got a 2-pages shot of Gajeel discovering the so-called "dragon graveyard", and, well... the Cover. That's good enough even by itself.
II - Chapter 298: The Exciting Ryūzetsu Land
Get ready, for another one of Mashima's "filler" Cloak and Boobs (or maybe Boobs and Dagger would be better, seeing as things tend to be less cloaked possible) is coming. Know that we're basically in front of a flashback, happening on the evening of the Games' third day. Plot? Fairy Tail heads over to the Ryūzetsu Land water park to have some fun and enjoy an evening out. Yeah, that's all there is to it. Point is... I was pretty satisfied with this chapter. And it wasn't only because of the sheer amount of female skin shown. But let's go in order.
Our heroes make it to the place, all sporting their swimsuits... More or less. Cana, lacking a bikini, went instead for her underwear (underwear which Mashima made sure to draw in a detailed way to say the least. Hell, he might make for an excellent underwear designed... Though I hardly think human female proportions would satisfy him), despite practically wearing a swimsuit all the time, as noted by Wakaba. There's nothing we can do other than to appreciate. Elfman and Evergreen sneaked into the place unnoticed, don't wanting the others to know they came together. It turns out Lamia Scale (or at least two of its members) decided to take an evening out too, as Lyon contends with Gray for Juvia, and Wendy and Chelia play around under the EXCITED gaze of Warren. Seriously, has pedophilia become something of a fashion?
Other special guests are the members of Quatro Cerberus, who're refreshing their wild spirit in a pool while Bacchus recounts stories he's apparently told tens of times. Jenny, wanting to take revenge on Mirajane for her previous Sorcerer nude shot, appears behind her and takes away her bikini top, exposing her chest before the surprised (and, I'm sure, delighted) gaze of Macao and Wakaba. Mirajane doesn't waver, instead paying the fellow model back by pulling down her bikini bottom, showing us audience Jenny's back, and causing Macao and Wakaba a nosebleed with what's on her front.
Hell, from time to time I wonder whether Mashima's writing a shonen or a hentai.
Lucy and Erza are being harassed by Pegasus' Trimens, which notably include a bandaged Eve, badly injured by his fight with Rufus, and an Ichiya clad in an EXTREMELY embarassing speedo. Laxus and Makarov decided to bring Mavis to Ryūzetsu Land, sitting by the pool's side as "Fairy Tail's first Master" plays around in the water.
Jellal joined the party while still wearing his mask (that scene made me laugh off for its sheer weirdness), and Gajeel, Lily and Happy are having fun in the park's aquarium trying on marine costumes under the amazed eyes of Levy and Carla. Hell, people's having fun all over the place. Cana, in particular, has gotten her hands on a bottle, and decides to cheerfully socialize with... CERBERUS! Dammit, that's simply great. For once I have to thank ol' Mashima for such a nice pairing. It's also worth noting that, while initially showing each other's... "hot spots"... around, Mirajane and Jenny are noy enjoying themselves together as if they were the best of friends. Oh well.
So, yeah, everything's perfect, right? That's the case until someone appears behind Lucy, referring to her as "Blondie". Hell, I don't even need to tell you who's coming.
Sheesh, you guys are terrible. Fine, I'll tell you.
Flare stands behind Lucy in a swimsuit which looks like a vague reworking of her standard outfit. She reveals that Raven Tail didn't break the laws, and thus its members were only questioned... Before blushing and telling Lucy that she's sorry for what she did, leaving shortly after without adding anything. Lucy smiles with a mildly retarded look, possibly completely unaware of what happened, who she was talking to, and maybe even her own name.
Meanwhile, Natsu and Ichiya are similarly running like retards by the swimming pool, and, predictably, slip. The latter's flight sends him towards "Mystogan" and Erza, with the masked man removing the woman from the human projectile's trajectory... by giving her boobs a total squeeze and mentally noting how soft they are. Blushing granted on both sides.
The second human projectile, the pink-haired one, flies towards the "love slide" on top of which the ice-water love triangle is... sending both of its male members sliding down the thing hugged to each other.
The two improvised suitors don't seem to agree about their relationship, as they start freezing water both in the slide and in the rest of the park. An angry Natsu summons forth his fire as he prepares to melt the ice, something Lucy warns him about... and she's right, for the Dragon Slayer destroys the entire Ryūzetsu Land, much to the confusion of Sting and Lector, standing on the balcony of Sabertooth's building.
In the place which was once a water park, everyone but Natsu is left on the ground. You know, one of those big scenes with tons of characters in weird poses: it's not much of a surprise to discover Jenny, Hibiki, Ren, Eve and Max's bare ass, nor to see that the latter has a broom stuffed in it; it's more of a surprise to find Jellal's face right below Erza's groin. Hell mate, now you know EVERYTHING of her as far as nature goes, MAKE YOUR MOVE.
Anyhow, Fairy Tail is tasked with paying for the reparations, Laxus beats up Natsu and Lucy's lost her bikini top. Nothing new on the western front, I guess.
So, why was this an enjoyable chapter, aside from the humongous amount of bikinis which crowded it? Well, despite being somewhat of a "filler", we got to see some nice pairing developments: some vague signs of Gajeel x Levy and Happy x Carla, a nice Elfman x Evergreen moment, and TONS of PHYSICAL Jellal x Erza. What's more, Flare revealed she's not a total asshole, which I guess is something good. And oh, right, that mysterious girl we mentioned last chapter was briefly shown passing before Fairy Tail's residence... without doing anything. Oh well.
And seriously, Cana x Quatro Cerberus. As far as I'm concerned, that would make for a nice chapter even by itself.
No double pages this time, and extremely nice drawings, with some particularly good inked shades. Though hey, that's the least you can expect when Mashima focuses on boobs. The Cover, on the other hand, was a chibi-style summary of the Games' happenings so far... Yeah, no boobs, so no complicated drawings.
III - Chapter 299: A Solitary Journey
Alright folks, the last chapter before the triple hundreds is a rather special one: it's another side story to the Grand Magic Games, shows us Gildarts' whereabouts and, most importantly, is a silent one, with no balloons. However, your favourite writer of manga articles has got something special in store for you readers... Let me tell you a story.
Some days ago, I made my way to Japan and to Mashima's house, in order to discuss some recent manga happenings with the creator of Fairy Tail. After sharing a drink and chatting a bit (or rather, after yelling in Mashima's face how sucky many of the recent chapters were), the author himself gave me a present, a peculiar present: the ORIGINAL, UNIQUE SCRIPT of CHAPTER 299! Well, dear readers of This Month in the Manga, I'm now going to share the content of these precious papers with you. Let's open the script and... Ready!
Lines starting on page 3. Best appreciable when read with the released chapter close at hand to compare.
Gildarts stops after a long walk.
Gildarts: "My ass still hurts... I shouldn't have stopped there at Blue Pegasus... Bob went too hard on me..."
Gildarts spots several creatures surrounding a scared young lady.
Gildarts interposes himself between the damsel in distress and her attackers.
Gildarts: Stop right there, you squared creatures!
Gildarts: Don't expect to do what you want to this young lady before spending a night with m...
The creatures make a run for it.
Gildarts "Thinking": Hell... They gone!!!
Gildarts "Thinking": Heh, not everything's lost... I can still ask this wench about their thereabouts... Charming Expression 1, 2... 3!
Gildarts: Excuse me, young lady. Do you happen to know where those squared creatures went...
The girl makes a run for it, too.
Girl with a Bun: Kyaaaahhhhhh!
Gildarts: That bitch...
After some more walking, Gildarts spots a village and then approaches it.
Gildarts: Look, there seem to be people over there... Maybe they know where to find those sexy creatures!
Gildarts "Thinking": Mhm... What the fuck is written on this sign? Veca...Vecaose? Is that supposed to be an "e"? And what about that thing, how the fuck should it look like an "o"? Sheesh, these guys can't even write properly...
Gildarts "Thinking": Heh, look at those guys... It looks like they're on a hangover or high on something... No wonder they can't write...
Someone not far from Gildarts drops a chest of apples on the ground.
???: Sheesh, no drugs over here... Only these stupid apples... How are we supposed to become high on apples???
Gildarts: Uh? You are...
Girl with a Bun: You're the one from before! You're... You're...
Girl with a Bun: Oh no, wait, his hair is of a much better shade, not that lousy color... Sorry sir, sorry!
Gildarts: Don't worry, it's ok. Now, I'd like to ask you something: do you know where those creatures...
Girl with a Bun: I'm glad you're here anyway! I'll go call the elder!
Gildarts: Wait, my question...
Girl with a Bun: Elder, this is the man who saved me!
Elder: Is that so? Thank you, kind sir!
Elder: One of our village's most ancient customs is to bend over and get sodomized before those who perform great feats in our favor, in order to reward them.
Gildarts: Wait, wait, there's no need for that, really... However, I'd like to ask you a question: do you know where...
Elder: Let us gather all the citizens in the plaza!
Gildarts: Seriously, what the fuck...
All the citizens are gathered in the village's plaza.
Gildarts: Now, to my question...
Elder: A huge creature lives in a cave not far from here.
Gildarts "Thinking": Sheesh, that's all I needed, a story...
Elder: That creature has a huge horn on its head, a horn which hallucinogenic properties: anyone licking it will get high as though as it'd consumed the best drugs...
Elder: ... and will start chewing wood as a beaver. Trust me, nothing feels better than that.
Gildarts: I can imagine...
Elder: The creature used to live in peace with us and let us lick its horn at will. One day, however, it grew tired and left, settling in a huge cave nearby and prohibiting us from ever licking its horn again.
Elder: Now it enjoys its horn by itself... Sigh... And we've got nothing to get high on! We can't grow any hallucinogenic plant in this area... We're completely broke! Sigh!
Gildarts: Ah! Don't worry! If that's so important, I'll go kill that creature which used to be your friend and take away from it something which is rightfully its! You'll have the horn back!
Elder: You... You'd do that for us...? Thank you, kind sir!
Girl with a Bun: You... You're so kind...
Gildarts "Thinking": Maybe after I get back that fucking horn, I'll manage to learn those hot creatures' location from this crazy bunch... Let's get moving!
Gildarts makes his way to the creature's cave.
Gecko "Thinking": ... The fuck's wrong with this story...
Gildarts: Guess this is the way...
??? "Drooling": BOOBS...!
Gildarts ... Dafuq?
Horned Creature: BOOBS! Have you seen these boobs on me?! Together with those nails of mine, I could be a sexy chick! I'll go to town and see how many boys I can pick up!
Gildarts: Tsk, you're high on your own horn...
The horned creature claws at Gildarts.
Horned Creature: THat's not the way to talk to a lady! LOOK AT MY BOOBS! PRAISE MY BOOBS!
Gildarts knocks the horned creature down with a punch.
Gildarts: No way in hell!
The cave burst into an explosion.
Back to the village.
Villager with a Black Headgear: Hurray! Now that I'm high, I'll be able to be Max Alors' double again!
Villager with a Spotted Jacket: And I'll be able to be Max Alors' double's double!
The horn is sitting in the middle of the plaza.
Elder: Our drug horn... It's back...! Thank you!
Girl with a Bun: S... sir! Thanks!
Gildarts: Oh, come on, it's nothing...
Bespectacled Man: Try this out, sir! It's bull's sperm, a local speciality! There's no better drink!
Gildarts: Heh, thanks!
Gildarts: Uuuuhh, these girls are hot! Too bad they're only a figment of my imagination, twisted by a mass of bovine sperm... Hahahaha!
Girl with a Bun: Sir...
Gildarts: Ah! It's you! Now I can finally ask you that question: do you know where I can find those squared creatures which were going to harm, eat, kill, rape you or any combination of the previouses?
Girl with a Bun: Oh, you're interested in those creatures! Sure thing, I know everything about them! Even about their... sexual practices..."
Gildarts: SEXUAL PRACTICES...?!
Girl with a Bun: Yes... You know, every Tuesday evening all the creatures strip naked, cover themselves in chocolate and then...
Gildarts: Oh man oh man oh man oh man!
Girl with a Bun: Kyahh, I can't believe I'm telling you this...
Girl with a Bun: Hey, wait a minute: I'll got get you some... "material"... about them!
Gildarts: Yes yes! Thank you!
Gildarts "Thinking": Yes, I did it! Before morning I'll be feeling some chocolate-flavoured monstruous skin, eheh...
Boy with Glasses: Sir, sir!
Gildarts "Thinking": Uh? What the fuck is a dwarf doing here!
Boy with Glasses: Sir, we have cable TV over there! We blackmailed the TV technician by kidnapping his wife, so we've got this 365 days per year FOR FREE!
Gildarts: Sheesh, you're some resourceful bastards! Maybe we should do the same back at Fairy Tail... Fine, let's watch something enjoyable while I wait for my "spicy news"...
Gildarts sits in the crowd watching the massive screen. The voices of the commentators are heard in the background as the show is broadcasted.
Gildarts: Look, Erza's boobs are wrapped in toilet paper as always! Hope none feels like crapping when she's around...
Gildarts: And, Lucy's "developed" further too... Nice going gal! Wendy, you're still flat as a billiard table... Though, keep growing, and maybe one day...
Girldarts: Look , it's Natsu and Gray... Shesh, still no boobs on them. What purpose do they serve?
Gildarts: Hey, who's that huge guy? Are those bananas on his head? If they are, hell, they're not ripe yet. Is he supposed to be some sort of mutated combat palm or what?
The screen shows Cana Alberona and the related comments.
Gildarts: That's... THAT'S MY CANA...!!!
Gildarts: Hey boy, that's my daughter! You see, that drunk girl with almost exposed huge boobs who just stripped? THAT'S MY CANA!
Gildarts: CANA, YOU ROCK!
Gildarts: You see, that's my Cana! She's hot, isn't she?
Gildarts: Did you just avert your eyes from my Cana? KEEP WATCHING HER!
Gildarts: Give me a "C"! Give me an "A"! Give me an "N"! And give me another "A"! CAAAAAAAA-NA!!!
Gildarts: CANA, YOU ROCK SO MUCH! And your boobs are great! Yeah, they remind me of... CORNELIA'S!!! Your mother had awesome boobs! Hell, how I'd like to touch them again... Wait... SURE!
Gildarts: Your boobs are the same as your mother's, Cana! THEY'LL FEEL THE SAME! All I need is one of those father-and-daughter moments in which you go hugs and strokes and tears... That's my chance! Man, I'm moved!
Gildarts starts running around in happiness.
Gildarts: WAIT FOR ME, CANA! I'LL BE BACK SOON, AND WE'LL HAVE OUR "REUNION"! MAN, I CAN'T WAIT TO FEEL THOSE NICE JUGS AGAIN!!! I'M ALREADY ALL HORNYYYYYYYYY...!!!
Elder: Oh fuck, why did he become incestuous now...?!
Gildarts tips while running around with a boner.
Gildarts: D'oh...! NO, WAIT, MY TOOL...!!!
Gildart's "tool" pierces the ground, creating several large cracks which damage the village.
Villagers: THE FUCK...?!
The villagers kick Gildarts away from the place.
Villagers: ... and never show up again, you incestuous swine!
Gildarts: Sheesh, stupid drugged peasants... Didn't get to learn where the creatures are, in the end...
Gildarts: ... though seriously, who cares now.
Gildarts: I'M GOING BACK TO MY CANA! YOU AND YOUR JUICY PAIR WAIT FOR ME, DARLING!!! YOUR DADDY'S COMING FOR YOU!!!
Yeah, that's right. Dialogues were supposed to be like this. I hope you enjoyed!
IV - Chapter 300: Where the Dragon's Soul Rests
It's done, folks. Fairy Tail's made it to the 300th chapter!
Alright people, the long awaited chapter takes place during the night of the Games' fourth day, after Natsu's victory (sheesh...) on Sabertooth's Twin Dragons.
Jellal meets up with Ultear and Meredy, telling them (offscreen...) some surprising facts about the hooded girl, the Eclipse plan and the Dragon King Festival.
Elsewhere, people are talking about the Games' current results, expressing opinions and wondering which team will achieve victory.
Meanwhile, in Sabertooth's lodgings... Sting and Rogue stand before Jiemma, all of their comrades gathered behind them, to give reasons for their defeat. The rest of the "super five" seems to be enjoying itself as the two receive judgement (I'm pretty sure Minerva's having a bad influence on Orga and Rufus). Rogue's attempt to explain what happened doesn't meet Jiemma's approval, and the geezer starts brutalizing the two Mages who "failed" him, deeming them unworthy to bear Sabertooth's crest and thus ordering them to delete it.
No stripping though, unlike good ol' Yukino. Well, that's a relief for us and some bad news for Toshi.
Anyhow, as Jiemma's trashing the two around like punching bags, Lector butts in, claiming that both Sting and Rogue did their best, and that their defeat might help them in getting stronger. Sabertooth's Master stares at him without speaking for some seconds... before asking the Exceed who he is.
Well, that's brilliant.
Though I guess we're lucky he didn't wonder why a cat is wearing a vest. Or why a cat talks, for that matter.
If Lector's pissed he doesn't show it, instead pointing his ass towards Jiemma and raises his vest to show him the crest present on his back. The bearded fellow doesn't seem to appreciate being threatened with a feline ass (and isn't too happy about a cat possessing a vest while he doesn't, too), instead showing anger at the fact that the feline bears his guild's symbol (again... Where the fuck are you the whole time?)... and then completely obliterating the Exceed with a Magic attack, leaving him only the time to pronounce Sting's name.
Everyone shows shock and disbelief, even Orga and Rufus... while Minerva doesn't appear to be struck by the whole thing. Jiemma doesn't care either (I decided to make it clear because, judging from his memory in recruitment, he might as well wonder what that smoking stain on the floor where an Exceed once stood is). Frosch cries at his/her/its (could it possibly be your doing, Chaos?) friend's death as Rogue hugs him/her/it to shield him/her/it. Sting shows his anger and rage by crying out loud. Again, Jiemma doesn't appreciate (this time due to the excessive sensitivity of his hearing aid), and "kindly" asks his (former?) subordinate to shut the fuck up, asking him why he's crying for a "cat".
This time's Sting's turn to get pissed... for the White Dragon Slayer assaults his (again, former?) master with a light beam, piercing clean through his chest and opening a large hole in it. Everyone shows shock again as Jiemma spits blood. Minerva, on the other hand, exhibits a satisfied smile while commenting on the situation to be "perfect". Oooohh, what a loving daughter. At this point, there are several possibilities...
She's looking forward to her old man's death to take over Sabertooth and/or gain a substantial inheritance (who knows, maybe the old fart's getting a nice monthly pension...).
She knows Sting's attack didn't even scratch him, and is she's getting all sweaty at the thought of Jiemma going hard on Sting.
She's suffering from some precocious senile dementia (likely inherited from her father...) and isn't aware of what's happening around here.
Anyhow, Gajeel's made it out of the caves... only to return there alongside Natsu, Wendy, the three Exceeds and the "added" Lucy and Gray to show them the piles of huge bones he's found. The Dragon Slayers confirm the dragons resting in such place aren't their foster parents, who are far too "young". As everyone wonders what the fuck is up with such a weird location, Wendy mentions Milky Way, one of the two advanced techniques Porlyusica taught her, stating how that's likely supposed to let her speak with the souls of deceased dragons... and thus learn about past events and about the whereabouts of the draconic foster parents the three Slayers of Fairy Tail miss.
Out of the blue like that? No foreshadowing, no previous references? Not even a drink before bedding us? What the fuck is that?
Great, really. If things really were this easy, everyone could say everything. "Maybe my ass' purpose isn't to crap, but rather to communicate with beetles!".
Let's switch to something else... The hooded girl's happily hanging 'round Crocus. She sits down in a street, and, having pulled out a pencil, starts writing on a piece of paper with her left hand, not without some trembling of such limb. What's wrong with her? Is she right-handed but unable to use said hand for some reason? She isn't given much time to write, however, as a police officer/guard/Village People-wannabe (the same one who investigated the "troubles" in Ryūzetsu Land) shows up, telling her it's a restricted area. The girl makes a run for it, letting go of the notebook as she escapes. The man picks up the object and reads the lines written in a messy way...
Something about the 7th September, the Eclipse plan and the Dragon King Festival.
Well, really, it's not much of a surprise. We hadn't heard 'bout anything aside from those in recent chapters.
Fairy Tail's 300th chapter came with three colored pages: a single and a double one. The former shows Jellal rendezvousing (can I say that?) with his group, while tha latter, highly reminiscent of those advertising the film, portrays Natsu standing in an "epic" way. Another two-pages panel has Jiemma pierced by Sting. Fine drawings, as always.
What to say. It wasn't a bad chapter (especially if compared with the ones from the Dragon Slayers' battle... though hey, those are my new parameters) "Cough" Milky Way "Cough"...
Point is, from the 300th instalment of Fairy Tail, I was expecting more.
Welcome to another issue of The Earth Land Chronicles. This article will be the discussion of related things in the Fairy Tail series, which will be presented in chronological order. This could include main villains, Dragon Slayers, Celestial Spirits, all in the order they were revealed. Our first series will be the story arcs of Fairy Tail, with an arc being done each month (though once in a while two). So let's continue with the Loke arc.
So our next arc is the Fighting Festival arc. A fan-favourite, this arc focused on Laxus Dreyar and his goal to become the new Fairy Tail Master... or was it to destroy Magnolia?? Either way it was epic! All the FT Mages are forced to fight each other to get to Laxus. His bit- err sidekick Evergreen turns some of our favorite heroines into stone so everyone will cooperate. So basically we get a montage of a bunch of fodder Mages fighting against each other. Eventually we get to good fights like Cana and Juvia vs. Freed, and Evergreen vs. Elfman. Sadly, Cana, Juvia and Elfman all fail, so they brought in the pros. Erza and Mirajane!! (after the got turned back to normal). Lets just say these women kicked ass. I LOVE YOU MIRA! Alright, now that that's out my system, the final showdown takes place at the cathedral. It's not Natsu who is there to meet Laxus first though. It is the mysterious Mystogan!!
After a short, epic fight, it is revealed Mystogan has the same face as Jellal. Erza witnesses this, so Mystogan immediately disappears. NOW Natsu arrives, but even he isn't a match for Laxus. Not alone. So Gajeel joins the fray! Even the two together can barley beat Laxus though, and he gets the opportunity to use Fairy Law. Even though he releases it, it takes to no effect as it appears Laxus's heart truly didn't want to destroy Fairy Tail. With this, Laxus is shortly defeated and Magnolia is safe again! This arc had a ton of great fights, set up the mystery of Mystgon/Jellal, and had Mira finally awaken. Another great arc Masima :)
Best Quote of the Arc:
"I'm gonna surpass you one day. Not for my father, but for myself. So I can become a man in my own right." Best Magic of the Arc:Dark Écriture Best Moment of the Arc:
Mystogan's face revealed Best Chapter of the Arc:Fantasia Best Episode of the Arc:Triple Dragon
... my dear readers, to September's issue of Real Tail. You're here as always with your writer, Aldarinor. Summer ended, Autumn started, the notorious end of this 2012 year is calmly approaching. Will this bring forth the end of mankind as well, as some say? Will the world get any better, or it'll be the other way around? Will Rai be back any time soon, or the Wiki will sink in despair again? Only time will tell!
First and foremost, I'd like to thank you guys for the positive feedback I received in last month's pool. I wasn't expecting so much enthusiasm, and, most importantly, so many votes. It's good to know that my work on Junk Trivia sounds even a little bit interesting to the ears of eager Fairy Tail fans. I'll try to find more and more interesting facts about the series' backstage and share them with you guys. Thanks again.
Anyhow, due to several issues (including two weeks spent on holiday and the start of college...), this month I wasn't able to gather any notable Trivia fact. Yeah, I know it's not the best thing to say after receiving some pretty nice positive feedback, but hey, a man has his needs.
Anyhow, in order not to waist an article and give you guys something to read aside from predictable thanks, I've come up with something.
... for I haven't thought of a suitable name yet. For the time being, I guess you guys might refer to it as the "Trivia Game". Yeah, if you hadn't guessed already from the temporary name, we're talking about a game.
What about rules?
It's easy, really. You start from a fact related to the Fairy Tail universe or the Wiki, and then try finding things in common to link as many facts as you can... before ultimately returning to the series/Wiki.
Yeah, I know those rules are kind of lousy. In the future, I might change them, keep them the same, modify them and stuff.
Let me start off to give you a demonstration.
I am Aldarinor, a proud member of Fairy Tail Wiki.
A form of black electricity is also shown by a character in the Naruto series.
IamJakuhoRaikoben is black and proud of it. He, on the other hand, isn't a squirrel with magical properties.
The popstar Michael Jackson used to be black, but then turned white. No idea why he did so. Maybe he was working in a bakery and no longer wanted to get caught whenever he slept a bit on sacks of flour.
Hi. Welcome to another issue of Nostalgic Magic. With the quick progress of the series, we've been slowly forgetting the awesome moments of Fairy Tail's past, and so Nostalgic Magic aims to prevent memory loss by reminding you of the Fairies' history as well as stab you a hundred times over with a bayonet while screaming "ARE YOU NOSTALGIC YET?!?!?"
This Month's Feature:
This month on Nostalgic Magic we'll reminisce on Acnologia's attack on Tenrou Island. The tragedy struck after Fairy Tail fought against all odds and defeated Grimoire Heart. After a heartwarming moment between Cana and her father Gildarts, the Black Dragon of the Apocalypse lands on Tenrou. Immediately the Fairies scramble as they try to figure out what is going on. But there wasn't much to figure out. They were being attack, and Acnologia was the enemy. When it became apparent victory was impossible, it was the master of Fairy Tail himself who was willing to sacrifice himself to save his children. Despite the protest from the guild, it was ultimately Laxus who convinced everyone to let Makarov fight what may seem like his final one.
But c'mon, this is Fairy Tail were talking about, and no way were they going to leave their master behind. The Fairies all struck back hard, but this was merely a game to the great dragon. Acnologia soared up to the skies to deliver a final blow on the island. Although day had just broken on Tenrou Island, the dark times were hardly over. The Fairies all held hands, promising to one day return to Fairy Tail as Acnologia destroyed all of Tenrou Island with its Dragon Roar. Little did we know that there was a guardian angel watching over our heroes. Even Zeref thought it was over, but as we know, Fairy Tail always bounces back! (even if its 7 years later XD )
Any amount of feelings you have won't save you from utter failure. Itching may be a sign of bad things to come. Life throws us all crazy things now and then. Like swords made of ham. And dogs on skateboards.
TAURUS (April 20 - May 20)
When the morning is done, you will have your sweet reward. "Going Dutch" does not mean having it away with 4 people at once whilst smoking a jewel encrusted pipe. A trip to the doctor's should quell any anxiety you have about being a pair of curtains, although his diagnosis may be less than helpful.
GEMINI (May 21 - June 20)
Your star sign denotes an air of duality in your character. Simply, you're a neurotic schizophrenic. A real fucking weirdo, the type of person who'd kill them self to win a bet.
CANCER (June 21 -July 22)
You have a businesslike attitude to life and a knack for making money. You're an unscrupulous bastard who would sell relative's limbs to buy a mobile phone. You are likely to be murdered, yes, specially you Rai.
LEO (July 23 - August 22)
The adventurous type, always looking for thrills and willing to try anything. In other words, stupid. You have the IQ of a garden snail and will never amount to anything. Most Leos are living on the welfare.
VIRGO (August 23 - September 22)
You like the good things in life and you know how to enjoy them. But you're prone to bullshitting and you're a cheap bastard. Virgo men are usually queers and the majority of Virgo women are whores.
LIBRA (September 23 - October 22)
You are the forgiving type and you don't bear grudges. This makes you an asshole. For your entire life people will make a complete prick out of you. Nobody will go to your funeral.
SCORPIO (October 23 - November 21)
You tend to be headstrong and deliberate in your actions. Basically you don't give a fuck about anyone. Most people hate you but you couldn't care less. You're the type of person who would masturbate at a wedding
SAGITTARIUS (November 22 - December 21)
You are deep and personal in your thoughts, the quiet type. A mean self-centered cunt and a closet homosexual. Your best friend is probably an altar boy.
CAPRICORN (December 22 - January 19)
You are the romantic type, soft-hearted and a lover of the arts. You are likely to import Dutch pornography and sex toys. The opposite sex would even be willing to kill people just to increase their odds at being in your bed one night.
AQUARIUS (January 20 - February 18)
You are the academic type and will probably end up working in the legal system. This means you are an absolute pervert, at the least a transvestite. Your ideal sexual partner is a Labrador puppy wearing fishnet tights.
PISCES (February 19 - March 20)
You are the eternal optimist, seeing the best of any situation. You have no grasp of reality and live in a dream world. Most people consider you to be the greatest living moron. You will continually fail. You're a prick.